I’m in Nepal, a country I’ve mentally salivated over for years now. I paid a lot of money to be here, and spent a lot of time in transit to be here… And now I’m HERE. And I’m not exactly wondering why I’m here, but how I keep finding myself in these same situations. You know the ones – or maybe you don’t – where you’re in some exotic locale, everything is unknown and waiting to be explored, and you somehow decide (or not decide, exactly, it just kind of happens) to spend the afternoon walking aimlessly, wishing someone would suddenly appear and drag you off on an adventure, and then you spend the evening reading in your hotel room, wishing someone was there to drag you out to do something fun, and then with sheer force of will you put on your big girl pants and head out to the Busy Bee Cafe because you heard that’s where everyone goes, and you’re hoping the magic will finally begin to spin and weave around you, except you find yourself sitting in the back garden, alone, drinking a glass of candy-sweet red wine and wondering if everyone who ever described you as Adventurous is totally delusional or if you just fake it way, way too well.
I really really enjoy my alone time, but occasionally it’s more of a curse than a blessing.
How different would it be if I had a longed-for companion right now? We’d probably be sitting in much the same place, except we’d be playing a game of Crib, and I’d be talking instead of typing, and I’d care a little less that I wasn’t Meeting Anyone or Having The Time Of My Life. What exactly constitutes the The Time Of My Life?
For me it’s about connection. Being part of a group, or just sitting across from someone I enjoy. It generally doesn’t matter what we’re doing. So if people and connection is so overwhelmingly important to me, WHY AM I SO BAD AT MEETING PEOPLE AND MAKING FRIENDS?! One of life’s great mysteries, I suppose.
So I’ll just sit here with my strange wine and the statue of Buddha and the little fake waterfall and my iPad… I’ll play it cool and enjoy my time well enough, but secretly I’ll be hoping that someone can’t resist my allure and sits down beside me for a conversation. It’s tough spending so much time in my head.