When I was young I don’t remember thinking all that much about making friends, they were just kind of there. Kids in my class who I’d been in school with for years. Kids my age at church who I saw on Sundays, during week day activities, and later on at teen dances. There were two sisters my age who lived two houses down from me, practically my entire life. We met when I was 5, our mothers had been friends for ages, and in spite of lots of differences and ups and downs, we remained constant fixtures in each other’s lives for the next 13 years while we were neighbours, and I’m still friends with both those girls today. There were a handful of girls that lived within walking distance of me as a teenager and we did lots of stuff together, and which meant we pretty much had 5x the closet between all our shared clothes! As I made my way through high school I still had my childhood and church friends, but my circle expanded to teens in neighbouring towns, as well as the skater kids, musicians and serious, artsy teens in my high school, most of whom I met through drama and acting. (For the record, acting is something I NEVER thought I would be into, and I still don’t know what possessed me to join that first drama class in grade 10, but I truly believe it changed my life.) I was never the most popular kid, but I always had friends around.
Of course as I grew up and moved away from my childhood friends, as I entered the working world and different college programs, things changed. Sure, there were people around and I would connect with a few of them, but it wasn’t quite the same. But it wasn’t until I was finishing my second college program that the first “How To Make Friends” shoe dropped.
My classmates and I were sitting around, reflecting on our year spent together in the program. One girl began sharing about how, while she’d enjoyed her time, she’d often felt lonely, so far away from her friends and family. She didn’t feel really connected to anyone and had often sat in her rented room, alone, wishing somebody – anybody – would phone and invite her to go out or hang out or just say hi. I was a little bit blown away because I’d had more than a few of those moments myself, just wishing that somebody would make the effort to see me and talk to me and want to connect with me.
And I suddenly realized that instead of sitting around waiting for a call, I could be the one to make that call! I told you these revelations were simple, but how life-changing it can be to understand that in order to feel connected you have to reach out for those moments, that they don’t always just happen of their own volition.
I didn’t know that girl too well, nor did I feel any particular connection to her, but how different would both of our college experiences have been if I’d picked up the phone and said, “Hey, I’m kind of bored and wondered if maybe you were bored too? I thought we could maybe be bored together, or else go find something to do so we’re not bored. What do you think?” Whether or not we became life-long friends doesn’t really matter, it would have been the thought and the effort and the Doing Something that mattered. And who knows where that may have led.
So I guess the first lesson I learned about how to make friends, was to stop expecting that it would magically happen by itself.
by McKinnleyWho wants to do something every day that scares them? Not me!!!! Doing scary things is, well, scary, and I’m not really a fan of being put in unpredictable situations. I like to be in control. I enjoy activities more if I have a pretty good idea of how they’re going to progress. I don’t like feeling nervous, uncomfortable or stupid.
However, I am a big proponent of trying new things, I mean, what’s better than a good old fashioned adventure?! I may not like doing something scary, but I adore doing things that are exciting.
And yes, adventures, new things and excitement often mean stepping a teeny tiny bit outside of my comfort zone. But that’s cool, you know why? Because even if I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a cliff, with heart pounding, adrenaline pumping and my stomach slightly nauseous, I know that once I jump, the rush is going to be unbelievable and totally worth the moment of discomfort.
Do you know what happens when you put yourself on that edge every once in awhile? Not only do you usually end up with a sweet adrenaline rush and a sick story to tell, but you learn a little something about yourself, you expand your views of the world, and sometimes you end up truly surprised by the outcome and where that adventure leads you.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of a night spent on the couch, in my comfy pants, with a bowl of popcorn and my kitty purring nearby, while I get into a few episodes of Dexter, but those nights do nothing to help me grow.
If you really want to expand your world, and who you are as a person, you have to DO. Try new things, and make it a point to do old things that you love but avoid for some reason. Want an awesome, inspiring example of how to do this? Check out Matt Cutts’ TED Talk “Try Something New For 30 Days.” It will be the best 3:47 minutes you’ve spent in awhile: http://www.ted.com/talks/matt_cutts_try_something_new_for_30_days.html
See? I told you! Amazing, right?! Even if you’re not feeling ambitious enough to do something for 30 days in a row, tell yourself you’re going to DO at least one adventurous thing every 30 days. Choose your adventure challenge, then set a specific date (this is important!) and whatever happens, do NOT let yourself wiggle out of it. You’ll be surprised at how you feel afterwards: excited, definitely, but you’ll also likely feel some pride, accomplishment and a desire for more.
So instead of following the old adage “Do one thing every day that scares you,” go ahead and avoid the scary stuff, just head straight for all those things that excite you!
by McKinnleyHere’s a little secret: Nobody is ever 100% ready or prepared. Those who succeed, however, are the people who are willing to say YES, and run with the opportunities as they present themselves.
I’ve talked about having my own business for quite awhile now. A few years ago as I chatted with my massage therapist during a session, she got really excited and told me about this program she was putting together, and asked if I’d like to offer my business as part of the reward pack! Amazing!!! What a huge opportunity being simply handed to me.
I even had an entire month to get my stuff together. But at the time, I had no “business” per se, just an idea. I had no website, no business cards, no outline of what I would even offer. Instead of jumping off that freaking massage table and getting to work, I hummed and hawed, I made excuses, and in the end I convinced myself that there simply wasn’t enough time to do it “right,” and that it clearly wasn’t the right opportunity for me or it would have come at a more convenient moment.
*snort!* Oh boy, have I learned differently. Anybody who is successful in any area of their life will tell you that the opportunities that got them where they are did NOT, in fact, show up at the most opportune times. The only difference, is that they said, “Absolutely,” when something was offered to them, and they worked their butts off to make it happen. Were they totally freaked out? Yup. Pretty much every one of those people will openly admit to being somewhere between really nervous and totally terrified, BUT THEY DID IT ANYWAY.
Huh. How ‘bout that. So, what if I’d say “yeehaw!” to that business offer I’d had? By now I would have that experience under my belt. I’d have figured out and implemented some sort of game plan. Maybe it was exactly what I wanted to do and it went off without a hitch, and I’d be 5 years further along that career path. Or maybe it didn’t turn out the way I’d have liked and I shifted gears, and then I’d be 5 years further along a different career path. Regardless, I would have done something, headed somewhere, and who knows where that opportunity would have led.
by McKinnley